…just how much this hurts me.

Lyrics from AFI’s This Time Imperfect. I absolutely adore this song.

Well, as I suppose you could figure out from the title, I’ll be whining again. Getting boring? Sorry about that.

So, this beautiful day, I went out to have some fun with my friends. Surely nothing could go wrong there, right? Well… Even if I do my best not to make this personal, it won’t work, so there’s no point in trying.

I’m hurt. I’m… neglected. I know, it sounds like the emo whining of a teenager, and it probably is… but I can’t seem to give a shit right now.

What is it that can change the personality of someone I loved – as a friend, mind you -, spent countless hours with, and could talk to about almost anyhing so much that I barely recognise the person they once were? What makes them forget about their friends… no, not forget, but insult and laugh at them. And why can’t others see what they are doing?

Why doesn’t anyone care that this cheery, happy and smiling person is causing others pain?

Yes, I might be – hell, I probably am – overreacting. Still, it hurts so bad to see them laughing not with me, but at me, for whatever reason. It hurts to hear their words, dishonest to the point where it makes me want to yell at them “Just stop it already! I know you don’t give a shit about me!”.

*sigh*

Sometimes I wonder if the fault lies in me, if I should be acting… differently, so that they, too, could accept me, but I don’t want to do that. Even though I do it way too much, I don’t like lying. Whatever.

Now, something else. I’d never pride myself as being particularly artistic – or talented, for that matter – but I love creating. Well, here’s a pic I’ve made, nothing special, just… figured I’d want to show it.

And the video: Endlessly, She Said, from the same band as the title.

Thanks for reading,

Dalymar

~ by dalymar on October 29, 2008.