I am stricken, and can’t let you go…
Have you ever loved anyone? I think I have.
It’s not the kind of love where you “can’t live without him”, nor the kind where you “would do anything to make him love you”. It’s real, unconditional love.
It’s the kind of love where you no longer give a fuck if he hates you, cause that’s not the point. If you’re not the one who can make him happy, let it be. Let him be himself, with the one *he* loves. Because you no longer wonder if you two could work it out, it doesn’t matter. You’ve both thought about it, and you realised it would never work, but that’s not the point. You just want him to be happy, in any possible fucking way.
And now he hates you. You’re hurting more than you ever have, it’s worse than losing that cute boy you’ve had a crush on ever since high-school. Worst of all, it’s all your fault. You fucked up bigtime, and you have no way of making it right, cause he won’t even talk to you. No matter how much you regret it, there’s nothing you can do anyomre. Still you think of him, as you’ve never met anyone like him, and you are convinced you never-ever will. You hope someway, somehow, you’ll run into him, and he’ll realise you never meant to hurt him, you’ve loved him all along.
And then… something happens. Something even worse than what made him hate you. What could possibly be worse than that, you ask? Easy… you meet him again. At first you walk past him, making sure you don’t look at him, hissing to your friend about how you hate them for not telling you he’d be here. Then you collapse and tell them everything, how you could never forget him, how much it hurts to see him again, and that you really want to/don’t want to talk to him. After all, it’s been ages, maybe, just maybe, he has forgiven you.
You avoid him for a while, but you just can’t help running into him. You can’t help but sit down next to him. You’ve missed him so much, you’re dying to know if he’s alright, if he’s… happy. After all, that’s all that matters, not your own feelings, not your love, just his happiness.
You end up talking to him for a while, but it’s just so fucking hard to communicate, after all that’s happened. You don’t know what to say, so you ask questions, and he answers, but you don’t even know if he’s telling the truth. You can only hope he’s forgotten, forgiven whatever you’ve done, and that he’s… alright.
Yet, you no longer care. Just the fact that he’s alive, that he seems to be alright fills you with so much joy you can barely take it. And though there are too many times you can’t remember, cause you were too drunk to even think straight, you know you remember everything that’s important.
You remember that time he cried and you hugged him. You remember that time you cried and he hugged you – and, suddenly, everything was alright. You remember him telling you he loved you, and you remember realising you loved him too. You still do. And that’s all that matters, after all. Unconditional love.
And the video. Remenissions, by A7X.
Dalymar
